I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
