apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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