I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
