Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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