he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
