He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
