i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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