I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
