he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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