we made out on top of his cat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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