He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
