Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize