no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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