If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
vagina is talking i cant
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
