I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
