i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dicks are not precious.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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