the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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