FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
