I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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