Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
