He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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