im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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