I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
