why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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