I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
