It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We have so much sex to catch up on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
