Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
