so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
