I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead