I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.