i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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