I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch