I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later