One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
