There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
