i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
