It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
