lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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