The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
