Im at strip club and am horny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
