covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
