You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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