The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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