I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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