I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
