I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
