he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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