I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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