put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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