He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
