I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
