just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
