just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
