then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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