I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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