i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
