Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
