Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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