Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize