I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Houston, we have a blender
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
