i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
