these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
