Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
