He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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