im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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