I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
