so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
