I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
